Sunday, September 9, 2012

It Won't Be Long

Hey Jude,

It's been a long while since I've written to you, but we have been so busy living and growing and figuring each other out.

I am still teaching three days a week. It used to be a welcome break, for my brain and my body. I get to spend four or five hours thinking about things other than washing diapers, making baby food, trying to read a book during naps, or how big you've gotten. But now, I find myself wondering what you could be doing while I'm gone. And I love coming home. Coming home is my favorite. At the beginning of August, you reached for me for the first time when I came home from work a little late one evening. You were waiting outside in front of the house for me in your grandmother's arms, and when you saw me you started swimming towards me. It is one of my most treasured moments as a mother. Now when you hear me coming in the door, you start kicking and looking around for me. I love the way you greet me with a smile so big your face can hardly hold it. You put your tiny hands on my face and just stare at me. After a few minutes of sweet hugs and face-patting, you begin burying your head in my chest and patting my boobs. So I take you into the bedroom, just you and me, and nurse you. It's the sweetest moment of my workday.

You still love spending time with your grandmother, but she says you've started looking for me now. If you wake up from a nap and don't find my face, she says you whimper and sometimes cry a little bit. I would never wish for you to be upset, or to cry, but it makes me heart jump up when I hear you are missing me. I imagine that when you are old enough to talk and sing, we will teach you the lyrics of the Beatles song, It Won't Be Long. Then you can pass the time singing,

Since you left me, I'm so alone. Now you're coming, you're coming on home. I'll be good like I know I should. You're coming home, you're coming home.

I'm always coming home for you, my sweet boy. And I'll always be ready to welcome you home, no matter where you wander or how long you've been away. That's one of the things I want to give to you that your Lovie and GrandBob gave to me- a place I will always belong, a hug I can always fall into, a lap I can always cry on, and a bed I can always curl up in. But most of all, they offered and still offer me a love that never expires, a place I can come back to, a place that centers me, where I can remember who I am.

I will do nothing less for you, Jude. And baby, when you come home, I will hold your darling face in my hands, stare into your eyes, and hope that you know this love I have for you will always be carving out a home for you no matter where in the world we are.

But for now, I am cherishing up these short-lived moments of reunion between us. It won't be long. It won't be long before you're the one leaving and I'm the one waiting for you to come home.

All my lovin,

1 comment:

distybug said...

Is that a birthmark on his forehead? PRECIOUS!!

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